Dear Prudence,
My husband and I are in our 30s, have been married for more than a decade, and have one child. My husband is smart and successful. He's fun-loving, outgoing, supportive of my career, incredibly helpful around the house, generous, enjoys taking me shopping, and is generally an all-out nice guy. However, he often bores me intellectually. While I love Fellini, he loves The Transporter movies. I read for pleasure, he watches TV shows or works out. It depresses me. I have discussed this issue with him, and he does try to talk to me about things he thinks will interest me, such as history, but it doesn’t work due to his shallow grasp of most subjects. His mother left when he was in kindergarten and he got a horrible stepmother, so he was wounded emotionally. I find brains and confidence wild turn-ons, but unfortunately I don't get that with him. My husband does have magnificent prowess in bed and a great sense of humor. I always had boyfriends who were well-read and my dad was a keen intellect, so I love to discuss physics or geopolitics over dinner. But with my husband all I get is mundane talk. I feel trapped. What should I do?
My husband and I are in our 30s, have been married for more than a decade, and have one child. My husband is smart and successful. He's fun-loving, outgoing, supportive of my career, incredibly helpful around the house, generous, enjoys taking me shopping, and is generally an all-out nice guy. However, he often bores me intellectually. While I love Fellini, he loves The Transporter movies. I read for pleasure, he watches TV shows or works out. It depresses me. I have discussed this issue with him, and he does try to talk to me about things he thinks will interest me, such as history, but it doesn’t work due to his shallow grasp of most subjects. His mother left when he was in kindergarten and he got a horrible stepmother, so he was wounded emotionally. I find brains and confidence wild turn-ons, but unfortunately I don't get that with him. My husband does have magnificent prowess in bed and a great sense of humor. I always had boyfriends who were well-read and my dad was a keen intellect, so I love to discuss physics or geopolitics over dinner. But with my husband all I get is mundane talk. I feel trapped. What should I do?
—Confused
Dear Confused,
Every married woman can sympathize with your plight. Your husband overcame a terrible childhood to become an attentive, kind, helpful, loving, successful, funny man. Also, he’s a dynamo in bed. But he knows nothing about neutrinos or the Maastricht Treaty. Of course you want to trade him in! You say because your husband likes The Transporter while you’d rather watch La Dolce Vita, you feel trapped and depressed. But if you think transporting yourself to the dating scene will lead to your own “sweet life,” then you’re not quite the brain you think you are. The job of your spouse is not to provide you a romance-novel version of life. You and your husband connect in so many ways, but he’s not intellectually inclined. So fulfill that part of your life by joining a club or a group devoted to issues that intrigue you. And when you’re having stimulating talks with men at your foreign affairs club, don’t have an affair. I bet had you been married to an egghead for more than a decade, you’d be fantasizing about a guy who’s just a genius in the sack. If you can’t rethink your attitude and come to appreciate what you have, and instead decide to blow up your family to pursue your fantasies, be comforted knowing a man like your husband won’t be single for long.
Every married woman can sympathize with your plight. Your husband overcame a terrible childhood to become an attentive, kind, helpful, loving, successful, funny man. Also, he’s a dynamo in bed. But he knows nothing about neutrinos or the Maastricht Treaty. Of course you want to trade him in! You say because your husband likes The Transporter while you’d rather watch La Dolce Vita, you feel trapped and depressed. But if you think transporting yourself to the dating scene will lead to your own “sweet life,” then you’re not quite the brain you think you are. The job of your spouse is not to provide you a romance-novel version of life. You and your husband connect in so many ways, but he’s not intellectually inclined. So fulfill that part of your life by joining a club or a group devoted to issues that intrigue you. And when you’re having stimulating talks with men at your foreign affairs club, don’t have an affair. I bet had you been married to an egghead for more than a decade, you’d be fantasizing about a guy who’s just a genius in the sack. If you can’t rethink your attitude and come to appreciate what you have, and instead decide to blow up your family to pursue your fantasies, be comforted knowing a man like your husband won’t be single for long.
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